Howdy! It’s again, Saturday and you all know what that means…snippets, snippets, snippets.

Today’s theme is Humorous. Now, I don’t have comedy per se in my books. My humor is sarcastic, smart ass, and snarky. My heroines often need their mouths washed out with soap for their snide comments. But, because they are true to form, some people do find it mildly amusing. Sometimes, the best way to deal with an overbearing man or a situation you want out of, is to either by voice or thought, be a smarty pants.

I’ve chosen a scene out of my Samhain release, Pink Buttercream Frosting. Bailey is sitting at a table with an engaged couple. She is trying to focus on their happiness, but in her mind is Aidn, our hero, that has walked out on her after an amazing afternoon of sex, and the bride who is overly gushy and mushy and Bailey just wants to stab the woman’s eyes out. In a smart ass way, of course.

Pink Buttercream Frosting snippet:

Bailey pasted a smile on her face as she greeted her two o’clock appointment. Just because she hated all things having to do with men and romance and love and sex thanks to Mr. Slink Away Dominant, didn’t mean she couldn’t be sincerely happy for the newly engaged couple seated across the table from her. Did it? No, of course not. She was, after all, a professional.

“So, what’s the date of your wedding?”

“Valentine’s weekend,” the bride gushed, holding tightly to the arm of her very uncomfortable looking groom.

Bailey understood his pain and wanted to throw up, wanted to break her pencil and jab Barbie Bride in the eyes with the jagged ends. “Oh, isn’t that just wonderful!”

“Yes! Please tell me that you have the date open for a wedding. I just don’t know what I’d do if you’re already booked.”

“Let me check the calendar to be sure.” She flipped open her day planner and made a show of checking dates. She was open for anything, everything, and most especially Barbie’s wedding. “Yes, actually, I am still available and that gives us just about six months.”

“Oh that is just perfect. You were recommended so highly that I just had to have you and you did such a gorgeous job with my friend’s wedding cake. I knew you’d be perfect for what I want.”

Bailey was touched, this time truly touched by the kind words. “That’s a great compliment, thank you. What is your color scheme? Red and white?”

The bride beamed. “White with red and pink accents. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, don’t you think?”

Pencil snapping. Jagged ends. Deep breath. All without her smile faltering. “Absolutely. What color pink?”

“I want a really pretty shade and not anything that would clash with the red.”

That feeling of throwing up…it was back. “No, we don’t want anything to clash. I have a variety of cake flavors, do you have a preference?”

“Chocolate. That’s what you made for Angie’s wedding and it was to die for.”

“Great. Chocolate. Buttercream frosting?” Did they see the tightness around her mouth at all or was it just something Bailey was feeling as she looked at them?

“Is that what was on Angie’s cake? I want it to taste just like hers. Can you do that? Make it taste exactly like hers?”

The plea was so earnest that Bailey fought not to laugh. “I’m pretty sure it was buttercream I used on hers and yes, I can make it taste just like that.”

“Oh, good. And I want roses all over it in pink and red.”

“All right. Let me get one of my pattern books and you can see if there’s something that fits the vision you have in your head. I’ll just be a second.”

Bailey stood, walked behind the counter and knelt down, trying to compose herself, trying to get back the professionalism she was quickly losing. She didn’t know why she was losing it, except for the fact that images of Aidn kept drifting in and out of her mind. It wasn’t marriage she was seeing though, it was a collaring, which was dumb as she’d only been with him once and he’d walked away. It was just a feeling, a gut feeling, that he was the one. It was a feeling that pissed her off.

A few deep breaths later, she stood and pasted another smile on her face. She grabbed some wedding cake books and a couple of magazines and set them on the table for Barbie and Ken to begin going through. “I have some cake samples if you’d like to try them.”

“No, that’s fine. I know what the chocolate tasted like and that’s what I want. I don’t need to taste anything else,” Barbie said absently, her eyes and fingers devouring the pages of cakes in front of her. Ken simply sat there, helpless, looking even more uncomfortable in the silence that ensued. Bailey tried to give him an encouraging and kind smile but wasn’t sure she pulled it off.

“This one!”

Bailey looked at the picture that the bride was pointing to and inwardly groaned. The cake consisted of four stacked tiers, with cascades of icing roses from the top to the bottom and gum-paste petals sprinkled along the base.

“And I want alternating red and pink roses.”

“And the scattered, loose petals?”

“Can you make them white? Or would it be better if they were a color?”

“I think either would look lovely, but it’s whatever you want. It’s your big day.”

“Yes, it is,” she squealed.

“And what do you think?” Bailey asked, turning toward the still-silent groom.

“Oh he doesn’t care. He likes whatever I like.”

Sheepishly he shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head. For some reason the gesture caused a small twinge of sadness in Bailey. Her husband had been like that. Agreeing to whatever she wanted, never having much to say about anything. His nonchalant attitude about work, social plans, life and her…it was just more than she could take for the rest of her life. Now that she’d found heat and passion in a whole different personal lifestyle, she couldn’t regret having left him and striking out on her own.
She did wish things had worked out differently with Aidn though, that it had been more than just a one afternoon deal.

After filling out some paperwork and taking a deposit, Bailey walked the happy couple out and then returned to the kitchen. She needed to bake, to play. It helped her forget, to cope through tough times.
Half a bag of powdered sugar later, along with half a pound of butter, some vanilla and cream, she was feeling pretty good. Aidn hadn’t crossed her mind but three or four hundred times. Surely, that was some sort of improvement.

I hope you enjoyed my snippet and that you’re still all comfy and warm and ready to read snippets from these awesome authors:

Vivian ArendMcKenna JeffriesAshley LaddKelly MaherShelley MunroTaige CrenshawLauren DaneShelli StevensTJ Micheals

Eliza Gayle

Yeah yeah yeah I know, but just live with seeing the cover for another day, huh!

It’s Friday. For some that means weekend, no work. For others, it’s just another two days in the week. For me, it’s sometimes no work, sometimes just another two days, other times it’s a combination of both.

When I was kid, Friday night was either pizza night. Homemade pizza. Rarely did we order pizza until I started working at Godfather’s. Then I’d bring home all the pizza we could handle and then some. Man, I loved Godfather’s Pizza. Or, we’d have burgers. Now, I don’t have a ton of good memories regarding my stepfather, but he could make a mean burger. They were delicious, had a nickname and everything.

In my house, we don’t have such ‘traditions’ on Friday night, but right about now, one of those burgers would sure hit the spot.

On Saturdays, we didn’t sleep late. No, it was house cleaning day and if the weather was nice out, yard work too. I didn’t do yard work. Have never cared for it, can’t stand it. I’ll clean the house all day long, but I won’t rake leaves, or mow, or weed, or anything else. I don’t know why. It’s just the way I am. So, my sister helped with the yard work and I turned on the radio and cleaned the house…three bedrooms, two baths, living room, kitchen, dining room, den. My mother was a stickler for neat rooms and clean everything. I’m not so…unflexible. I hated the rigidity, but appreciated the skills I have now to clean my own house, do my own laundry, etc…

I don’t require my kids to keep their rooms tidy and doors open and all. That’s their private space. If they want all their clothes on the floor in a wad…well, okay. I do like the bathrooms clean though. The downstairs and my bedroom are the biggest issues for me. I hate the clutter that has accumulated and I dread looking at it everyday. I keep telling myself I need to just start, one thing at a time until I’m done. And you know what? I will. This weekend, come hell or high..icy slush mix, I am going to clear out and clean out my craft bins. I have at least 4. That’s what I’ve paired down to so far. 4. I will be make a stack to donate and a stack to toss and fit whatever is left, into 1 bin. That will be my goal. By the end of Sunday night, I’ll have 1 craft bin paired down from 4.

On Sundays, if I wasn’t working as a teenager, it was hang around the house day. We didn’t do much on weekends. I wasn’t allowed to have too many people over and though I did spend the night at friends’ houses from time to time, it wasn’t a lot. My daughter has a lot more freedom in that area and I purposely wanted her to have more freedom. My son as he gets older will have the same, though he’s more of a loner like his mom and dad. He can sit for hours making lists and oftentimes my daughter would rather be home away from people more than out with them.

As a grown up, Sundays are sports in our house. Football, baseball, Nascar. It’s all there. I like to use Sundays for no writing, but for blogs and website and misc writing biz stuff. This Sunday though, there will lots of writing. Lots and lots of writing. Next Sunday there will be the Super Bowl (Go Saints!) and the Sunday after will the Daytona 500 (Yay Rowdy!) So, there will be NO writing those days and only minimal other work done.

I clean house throughout the week so the weekends aren’t all about cleaning like they used to be when I was growing up. I would like though a tradition of burgers or pizza on Friday’s through. I think I’m going get the fixings to have my own version of those burgers from all those years ago.

What about you? What are your weekends like? What is your Friday night dinner in celebration of the coming weekend? How many craft bins do YOU have to clean out? grins…

~lissa