And man I wish I had some… Clarity, that is. Mine hasn’t completely come yet, but I’m working on it.
I’m having writer’s block. Or something like it. I don’t know what it is. It’s an inability to write what I want to write. It started a couple of months ago. I knew there was a book to write, a couple of books to write, but the words weren’t there. I don’t know where they are.
Part of the issue is that I was trying to write a safe book. I wrote a book I loved, deeply loved and put a lot of myself into, Cracklin’ Rosie. It wasn’t really well received by a lot of my regular readers and not by a lot of new readers either. It bothered them. It wasn’t just kinky fun, it was an actual spanking fetish that needed to be explored and with the way it hasn’t been received by some, it has affected how I approached this new book, this last book in the Blue Jeans and Hard Hats series.
So, I’ve tried to write a safe one. I’ve re-written this book now three times, maybe four, I’ve lost count. I don’t know where or how this is book is going to get finished. I’ve missed the deadline on it, lost the penciled in calendar date. Written myself into a corner on it and I can’t really see how to write myself out it yet.
The same could be said about the second shifter book too, though I’m taking it slower. It however does as well have a due date for a calendar spot as well and I need to get it finished.
I love writing. I’ve missed writing these last few weeks. I’ve had a book come out with Loose Id, Arrested Holiday. It was a fun book to write, light and cute and sexy and with little bits of kink.
I have a new book coming out this week, on Christmas Eve from Ellora’s Cave, Ink Spots. It’s erotic, sexy, hot, fun.
I’ve taken some time these last couple of weeks to relax my mind. I stressed myself out so much about these books that need to be written that I couldn’t think straight. I got sick and I wouldn’t doubt if that was the universe trying to tell me something. I needed to back off, to let go. I know the saying from the Queen of Romance, Nora Roberts that you can’t fix an empty page but you can fix a bad one. In most cases I believe that. I don’t in this one. I was writing myself into a hole I wasn’t sure I’d have been able to dig myself out of. No matter how much I wrote, it wasn’t right. It was nothing but empty, meaningless words that weren’t moving the book forward. Nothing could fix it except for perhaps me walking away from it for a while.
As soon as I let go of it, stopped stressing over it, I started feeling better, started being able to enjoy the holidays with my family. I’ve spent a lot of time with my kids…baking cookies and cupcakes, shopping, watching Christmas movies, watching Food Network and the holiday specials, decorating the house. I made time to send out Christmas cards, snuggling, watch football, and just play in general. My kids aren’t getting younger and I was tired of working all the time, not enjoying this time of year with them. I was staring at pages, not getting anything done, and not having any fun. The days were going by and I had nothing to show for it, not in writing and not in being with my kids, making memories.
Have I thought about my writing? Oh yes, everyday. I think on it, I make notes, I work on outlines, I jot down new ideas as they come to me. After Christmas will be time enough to work on it all as a whole though. I was a professor of You Must Write Everyday, but not at the moment. I think sometimes you have to walk away, let it sit and rest so that you know what direction you’re going to head into when it’s time to get back to it.
Besides, that’s part of the pleasure of working from home. I can take time to reflect, to find a new direction, to find inspiration, and new life in what I do love to do as work…writing erotic romance.
Of course, it does hurt the wallet and next year’s Christmas might be a little thinner than this year’s Christmas, but it’s fine, it’s good. There are things more important and my peace of mind, my clarity of where I’m going and where I want to go with my writing are a couple of those things…
Now, I need to get back to wrapping gifts, addressing cards, texting with my mom, and fixing lunch…