Housewife. Stay at home mom. Home school teacher. Author. Under each of those job categories, there are many other subcategories. And none of them pay nearly enough in money. But…they have their own rewards if I really think about it, if I really step back and take time to appreciate them. One thing that is seriously lacking in a lot of ways though, is respect, from me for myself and what all I do as well as from others.
When I graduated from high school being a stay at home mom and house wife were the two things so far from my mind. I was going to have a career. I was going to earn my own money. I was going have kids and pets and a fantastic husband…one day. Oh, and he was going to make a ton of money and we were going to live in ‘that’ neighborhood. You know the one I’m talking about.
Pipe dreams. And I didn’t even have to smoke it.
However, once I fell into the ‘wrong’ crowd and you’d probably be surprised at my definition of the ‘wrong’ crowd, I began to see things a little different. I wanted to stay home with my kids, but I worked then and I work now. I’ve worked since I was 14 years old. And believe me when I say that I’ve never had a job working for anyone else that is as hard as the one I have now…working for me and working for my family. That’s what all the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking, the chauffeuring, the raking, the fielding phone calls, the home schooling, the organizing, the budgeting…it’s work. It’s hard work. It’s not sit on my ass all day at the computer or in front of the television or shopping work.
It’s wondering what the gunk is in the shower drain. It’s scrubbing the grout. It’s sweeping the floors everyday and wondering how so much crap gets tracked in. It’s wrestling with the blanket from hell because the washer keeps throwing it to one side and becoming unbalanced. It’s trying to save money on groceries and still eat moderately healthy. It’s finding happiness and smiles wherever you can. And you know what?
I wouldn’t trade any of it.
I can sit on my ass all day if I want. I can watch Food Network all day if I want (it’s usually on anyway in the background for the noise). I can cook all day or bake or make coffee. I can nap. I can go lay out in my backyard. I can read. I can go wander the mall or take a drive and get lost, though I do have to find my way back in time to pick up my daughter from school. I can do anything.
I spend hours a day home schooling my son. It’s tiring, frustrating, and I hated math then and I hate it now. But I love the smile on his face more when he gets it. He doesn’t like sitting down to do it, but he likes it better than spending 6-8 hours a day in a classroom. He likes sleeping late and watching Sportscenter before getting out of bed. Who can blame him? I can’t.
Up until summer of 2009, I had a job of some sort. From 2000 to 2007, I had a job, full-time working from home for someone else. The money was great. The job sucked. I did it though. When we moved here in 2007 and I got serious about starting something for myself, starting my writing career, I started looking for something else I could do from home. That something ended up being editing and proofreading. It got to where though, I was able to write as much, to do everything at home and the editing had to go. I haven’t regretted it. Sure, the money is tight. Living on one income in today’s times is hard. Hard. Hard. Hard. It’s a choice. It is full of sacrifice. It is having to make difficult choices and having to say no to family, to the kids, to friends, and to ourselves, me especially. DH has always played softball and golf and doesn’t do without NFL Sunday Ticket and MLB Extra Innings. He won’t give those up without being dead.
I have lost myself in crafts, taken cake decorating classes, read more books than a small town library could stock, learning a lot about cooking, and have found another calling in life…writing.
Sometime, there’s this feeling that no one respects those of us that make the choice to stay home and raise the kids, teach the kids, keep the house, etc… How much are we actually making a difference? Are we? Is what we do as important as a woman that goes off to a full-time job? I do believe the answer to all of those is yes. I’ve been on both sides of the debate and both are valid and have merit. I can defend each one equally and I have great admiration for women that have careers they love or those that have the EDJ that they hate but go to everyday. Been on both ends of that one, too.
Women in general, and for the topic of choice in this blog, house wives and stay at home moms, have to be the ones though that start with the respect. Giving it to one another, but also to ourselves. We are the ones that end up on the bottom of the totem pole when we need to be at the top of it. If we can’t or don’t or won’t take care of ourselves then who will? It also sends the wrong message to our kids… Remember that saying… If mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy? There’s a lot of truth in that.
We don’t receive validation or admiration from anyone, not like those in the workplace do or even those that have jobs at home where they work for someone else. So if the respect is gonna come, it has to start with us.
I love this song by SheDAISY. As I was sweeping and mopping yesterday, it was on and it got me to thinking. Housewives do need a miracle. And we do still need to consider ourselves women, laugh at the situations sometimes, wear the sexy bra and panties under the sweats, remember that we’re not just here for everyone else…
God Bless The American Housewife by sheDAISY
Look at me,I’m gorgeous in my housecoat with my coffee cup
I bend down to get the paper,every neighbor tryin’ to check me out
Look at me,I’m lovely as I wave beside my minivan
Look at how my diamonds seem to sparkle on the garbage can
God bless the American housewife
How she does it all I’ll never know
God bless the American housewife
She could use a miracle for sure
God bless the American housewife
Cleanin’ up the world for you and me
God bless the American housewife
(Ah Ah Ah Ah AH)
Look at how my children play Commando in the cul-de-sac
Look at how my husband has survived another heart attack
Look at all the other mothers envious of all my things
Have to call the plummer Cause my daughter flushed my wedding ring
Look at me, I’m beautiful and glamorous in rubber gloves
Look how my tiara can be bent back to the shape it was
I can do the laundrt and make dinner while I’m on the phone
Look at me, I’m sexy as the devil when I mow the lawn
How she does it all I’ll never know
God bless the American housewife
Have a wonderful Thursday! I have glamorous things to do today! What about you? Grins…
The few people that pay attention to anything I say, have learned by now, or should have, that male/male stories take up the majority of space on my iTouch. Be it historical, contemporary, BDSM, or paranormal, I’ve read quite a bit over the last year. If I’m reading a menage with two men and a woman, I want the men to be lovers as well. There are a few m/f/m menage books I like, but I much prefer either strictly male/male or male/male/female stories.
The other day on Twitter, I asked for some recommendations of male/male books and between Twitter and Facebook, I received the following suggestions:
Private Dicks by Katie Allen
A Helping Hand by Shayla Kersten
the Sweet Oblivion series by Jordan Castillo Price
anything by K.A. Mitchell
a futuristic yet to be released by Christine d’Abo
Happy Ending by L.B. Gregg
Dangerous Ground by Josh Lanyon
The Tin Star by J.L. Langely (I’ve read this one already. In fact, I’ve read all of J L Langely’s books and cannot wait until a new one comes out!!!! Another in her Sci-Fi/Fantasy series would be FABULOUS! I really really enjoyed My Fair Captain. It was my first foray into male/male reading other than some proofing I was doing at the time.)
Heaven by Jet Mykles
Str8te Boys by Evangeline Anderson
Upon Midnight by Buffy Christopher
K Z Snow
Now, the few that I have read that weren’t on this list of suggestions anywhere were M. L. Rhodes, Ava March, Cameron Dane, and Rowan McBride, Z.A. Maxfield, and Anna Leigh Keaton’s Soren’s Surrender.
One of the things I like in my male/male reading is…men. I love men. Hot yummy men. Not whiny crybaby men. I’ve read a few books where the men are just that…whiny and crybabies…worse than little girls. I don’t want that. I want emotional attachment. I like hard rugged men. I like softer tender men. But I like them to still be men, not just have the plumbing.
Does that make me sound harsh? Mean? I hope not, because I don’t mean it that way. It’s just the way I like my stories. Strong, independent men that know who they are or that are finding out who they are, accepting, loving, know what they want, real emotions, real struggles, and naughty naughty naughty in bed. grins…
I hope you all have a great Monday. It’s back to the grind for most all of us, so I hope yours is fine…
If you have any further suggested male/male reading, let me know. Tell me your faves.
Today’s theme is Unusual Professions. I don’t know that I’ve written unusual professions per se. At the same time, perhaps I have…cake baker, professor, race car driver, classical flautist and instrument tech (however those last two are in a book awaiting edits).
I spent some time in conversation yesterday with theblackraven
and we decided on my candy maker, Jane from Sugar Rush. She makes chocolate truffles infused with chilies.
“All right, so, you’ve seen me. You can go now. I believe you know where the door is.”
“I appreciate the invitation to leave, but I was hoping we could have dinner together.”
“Nuh-uh. No, sorry. I’m not dating right now.” And she wasn’t. She’d given two years to a guy who had sweet-talked her, who wasn’t even in the same yummy ballpark as Cowboy Surfer, and look where that got her? Nowhere. She was safe like this, living vicariously through Edward’s tireless, sex-filled search for “the one.”
“Fair enough, but just so you know, I don’t believe you.”
“It doesn’t matter what you don’t believe.” She turned off the stove and poured the scalded cream over chopped bittersweet chocolate. The aroma filled the immediate air around her, and she inhaled deeply. The scent of excellent chocolate never got old.
“What are you making?”
He’d stepped close, standing just behind her shoulders. She could feel the heat coming off his body and if she leaned back, she’d be touching his chest. Instead of doing just that — because she so wanted to — she pressed herself closer into the edge of the counter, picked up a wooden spoon, and slowly started to stir the cream into the chocolate. “Truffles. Like the ones you didn’t get this afternoon.”
“I smell chili peppers.”
“Mmm. Yes. We infuse the cream with them. It is a very delicate balance of flavor, the chocolate and the chili. It’s sweet at first bite, but then a blast of heat erupts on your tongue, completely intoxicating your mouth with flavor.”
“You know they say that chili peppers are an aphrodisiac, stimulating the blood and nerve endings.” He leaned closer still, his breath blowing against her hair. “Maybe we should try it out.”
“Not on your life.” Go away go away go away.
“We’ll see.” His breath brushed the edge of her ear, sending a shiver up her spine. What did she have to promise the universe to get him to leave and stop tempting her? “Is this your business then?”
“It’s mine and Edward’s. We started it after he went through a hard breakup with a guy he’d been dating at work. He quit shortly after and decided that the way to mend a broken heart was through chocolate.”
“I know many women that would agree with that. How did you meet? You and Edward, I mean.”
Many women? Of course there were many women in his life. Just look at him. She was nothing more to him than a blind date. It didn’t really explain what he was doing in her kitchen though. Blind dates that didn’t go right usually didn’t get a second chance, and guys like him didn’t chase after women like her either. “In a candy making class a little over a year ago.”
“And? I want the whole story.”
Jane sighed and fought against grinding her teeth in frustration. “He was taking the class to learn to make candy for Valentine’s Day for his boyfriend. When they broke up, I made these for him one day to try and cheer him up and, well, here we are.” Having Graham so near made concentrating on anything difficult. It was a wonder she could think straight at all.
“So, are these what he was talking about when he said you were sitting around eating chocolate all the time?”
There was laughter in his voice. While not surprising, it stung that he was laughing at her, teasing her about it. “He said that?” Mortified, she whirled around and wished she hadn’t. He was standing right there, her nose not even an inch from his chest. He was broad and solid, and she wanted to be wrapped in his arms. Stop that. She looked up at him. Something else she wished she hadn’t done.
“Yes. And it turned me on immediately.”
“Don’t say that. Don’t say you were turned on because I eat chocolate. I swear I’m going to kill him.” She was struggling not to cry, but more from anger and humiliation than sadness. “He shouldn’t be telling people that! Dammit!” She began to turn away, but Graham’s hand on her arm stopped her movement and held her firmly between his body and the counter. She tried to move, tried to push against his grip on her, but he wouldn’t let up. Fucking truth be told, she didn’t want him to let go. She wanted him to really, really want her.
“Jane, it’s okay. He’s worried about you. And…” His gaze traveled up and down her body, heat flaring in eyes she shouldn’t be looking into, voice dropping low. “It’s true. I happen to like that you aren’t afraid to indulge yourself in chocolate. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know what else you like to indulge in.”
She gave a self-depreciating snort and fought to keep the negative words on the tip of her tongue from spewing out her mouth.
“You’re insufferable, and I still think you should leave. You know as well as I do nothing could ever work between us. All we’ve done is argue since we met earlier.” With a sharp tug, she broke free of his grasp and turned back to the chocolate. She pulled the spoon out and took the bowl to the refrigerator. Once she put it inside, she closed the door and leaned her head against it.
“No, I actually don’t know that and neither do you. What’s more, I don’t believe it. We’ve only argued because you’re too stubborn to admit you want to see me naked.”
She couldn’t believe he just said that, that he’d come to that conclusion. “What?”
But, oh dear God, he was right. She wanted to see him naked. She wanted his hands all over her as he kissed her harder than he had at the cabin. She…she had to stop thinking like that. She didn’t want to be hurt again, and man oh man could he hurt the hell out of her. “Then I’ll believe it enough for the both of us.”
“Are you sure you want me to go?”
No. “Yes.” She closed her eyes and waited without turning around. A few heartbeats later, the door closed and when she looked up, he was gone. So, why didn’t she feel better?
Because you really didn’t want him to leave.
“Oh shut up,” she murmured.
Sugar Rush will be available from Loose Id later this month. Please enjoy Snippet Saturday by visiting the blogs of the following wonderful authors:
Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe NYE. I am a fuddy-duddy. I don’t go out or party on NYE. I never have. Part of that has been circumstance, part of it is not wanting to go out alone, though going to a coffee bar or bakery or wine bar might be a fun thing one year. Perhaps I’ll get a life one day and step out. At the same time, I like being a homebody, seeing my kids at midnight, especially my son that is still excited about NYear’s. I’ve never been much of a party goer. I am very shy and quiet, not really outgoing. I guess that has something to do with it, too. Who knows, though. Things change. Right?
I spent some time yesterday and last night working on my 2010 Goals. I have been reading some blogs the last few days and am kind of scared. My list is so much longer than most. Why is that? I mean, I had 25 items last year and though I haven’t counted them up, I don’t think I’m too far off that number for this year. Of lists that I’ve read from others, they have three goals, five, maybe seven to ten. Hmmm… Am I trying to do too much? Overachieve? It’s entirely possible. My particular list, as the list I posted from 2009 is strictly the writing and writing career goal list. This isn’t the personal life one, which will likely be just as long. Maybe I’ll post that one next week, or at least part. For now though, let’s get on with it… Grab your coffee, tea, soda, cocoa, left over champagne and sit back, take it in, and then wonder what kind of crazy writer chick I am. You can even take bets on how nuts I will probably be come the end of 2010…grins
Lissa’s 2010 Writing/Career Goals:
Write 3-5 free reads
Blog on author blog (this one) at least 3X’s a week
Guest blog 3-7 times
Finish and submit Sweet Caroline
Finish and submit Riko’s book
Finish and submit Ecstacy
Write and submit to 3-5 special/theme calls
Attend 2-3 small cons or events (including dungeons, fetish events)
Finish BDSM Craft book 1
Write and submit X-Marks
Re-work and finish Cowboys
Sign up for no less than 2 writing workshops
Submit to Spice Briefs
Participate in Nanowrimo
Finish and submit Shifter book
Query NY publishers and agents
Read more craft books to learn and improve on writing weak spots
Submit 1 book per month
Meet authors, readers
Begin tracking database, spending/royalty accounting spreadsheet
Learn how to use WordPress
Participate in contests/giveaways/charity writing events
Submit 2 Wicked-size shorts (no less than 5K min. word count)
Re-work Literotica shorts for publication
Participate in 1 anthology
Co-author 1 book
Finish and submit Abel and Willow books
Write no less than 1500 words per day M-F
Submit 3-5 books to Samhain, Loose Id, and Ellora’s Cave
Whew! That’s a big list. Might need to go ahead and get started on it!
Have a fantastic New Year’s Day!
As the title says, it’s out with the old today. December 31, 2009, the last day of the year. I’ll be spending a quiet New Year’s with my DH, and DS tonight. DD is going to a slumber party. She promised to text at midnight to say Happy New Year. I’ll miss her, but hey…you only live once, right? And I halfway figure that she’ll be asleep…laughs
I was flipping through my pink notebook this morning for the specific purpose of finding my 2009 Goal list. This particular list was for my writing goals of the year. Writing encompasses things other than the actual writing of a story and has been included in this list.
There were 25 items on it, so settle in with your cup of coffee, cocoa, tea, Bailey’s, etc…
I’ve broken it down into two different categories this morning for you. What was accomplished and what wasn’t accomplished.
2009 Goals accomplished:
Finish and submit Angel/Demon book
Finish and submit Cam and Lily’s book
Finish and submit Jane’s book
Submit to the Ellora’s Cave Exotika line
Participate in Nano
Join/Participate in 3-5 contests
Comment/Post on 3 blogs/3 loops per week
Write 2-3 free reads (I did 2)
Learn to update own website (I use Webpage Maker)
Learn to update own MySpace page (I can sorta do this)
Set up author blog (this is it, you’re here!)
Guest blog 5-10 times (I think I’m up to 6)
Submit 30K+ to Loose Id
2009 Goals NOT Accomplished:
Write Dream Man book
Finish and Submit Cowboys
Submit/Query NY (submitting to Spice Briefs in Sept. 2008 doesn’t count, dammit)
Writing weekly blog
Submit one book per month (I did good with this until Nov, dammit)
Write and Submit to 3 special calls (I did 1)
Write Riko’s book (working on it still)
Start querying freelance ideas
Finish and Submit Craft series Book 1
Write Craft series Book 2
Start author newsletter
Finish and Submit Sticky Situation novella
I’m about 50/50. It’s been a year that I couldn’t have imagined for myself. Just because I submitted to both EC and Loose Id, I didn’t expect I’d get in. I hoped, but… I also submitted to Changeling and Liquid Silver, both of which rejected my stories. I never heard from Spice Briefs on my submission from 2008, but I knew that was a long, long, long shot!
I started the year with knowing I would have two releases, Charming Lucy and Pink Buttercream Frosting. I ended the year with two additional releases, The Demon is an Angel and Simple Need. So far, there are two releases set for 2010 and I am working on finishing and submitting to hopefully add to that number.
Thank you to everyone that has picked up one of my books, looked at this blog, read my posts on the Kiss and Tell Girls blog, read my tweets, my Facebook/MySpace updates. I am grateful for the reviews, good and bad, the editors that have helped me grow as a writer and that saw something special in my writing that prompted them to take a chance on me. I have learned a lot in the last 12 months and tomorrow, will start looking forward to learning a lot more in the next 12 months. For the rest of today though, I’ll be writing and watching football, and spending time with my family.
Have a happy and safe New Year’s Eve. I’ll see you next year!