I look around and wonder where the hell the first part of the year went… What have I done? What do I have to show for the first 70 days? I had such grand plans for 2024 and though it’s not anywhere near over, I’m struggling to find my way and dig myself out of the hole I’m in.

I have a lot of books I want to write. I have a few I’d like to revise. I have a new pen name I’d like to get off the ground. And I have Ella Claire that I’d like to add more titles to. Plus…so much other stuff. I’m not getting any younger over here.

So, why have things gone tits up for me this year? A lot of things out of my control. A lot of stress. A lot of healing past trauma. A lot of thinking to the point of overthinking. And, a lot of nothing. I’ve written words but can’t seem to find the end of the books. I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself and had multiple panic attacks. Anxiety has been at an all time high for me with writing. What I find weird, is that I used to be able to turn to writing. It didn’t make me anxious. It didn’t render me unable to do this. I really, really, really want to blame it on menopause.

I haven’t had a vacation in years. I haven’t gone anywhere, done anything in years. I have a feeling that has a little something to do with it.

I’ve picked up some hobbies again and they serve to calm me and give my hands something to do.

Comparisonitis on social media doesn’t help. That I do recognize is an issue and I’ve taken my own and other’s advice and decided on putting it away through the rest of the month. It wasn’t helping me anyway, at least in the book department… Okay, that’s not entirely true. It has helped me find a lot of books that I want to read and that have been added to my books list.

There’s some perfectionism going on, too. I want these books that I am writing to be amazing. I want anyone who reads them to love them. And I’m fighting myself over every word, sentence, paragraph, chapter as a whole.

And there’s some discouragement, too. I haven’t had any book sales since December and even then with a new release, there weren’t many sales. And I think it’s the first time in years…if ever that I haven’t had any sales at all for months in a row. I have 4 titles in Kindle Unlimited and there’ve been no page reads. Those things are disheartening and discouraging. Am I going to put all this worry and effort into new books only to have them not sell? Is it because I won’t put cartoon/illustrated/vector covers on them? Am I in the Amazon dungeon? Does Draft2Digital have a dungeon, too, because I haven’t sold any books there, either. I don’t know. I do know that it’s really scary to have a backlist and not even one sale, not even one page read. And I honestly don’t remember this ever happening to me.

Yes, I know I had to cancel some preorders, too, but no one was even preordering anything, so…

I mentioned to a friend yesterday about it all and she said I need to write in a different subgenre of romance. I’ve wondered if I need to walk away from romance all together. I don’t know. But at least for now until the end of March, I’m going to be concentrating on new words, blogging here, sending out newsletters and not checking or doom scrolling Instagram or Threads. I already didn’t doom scroll on Facebook. I definitely know better. I’m going to focus on the words I write and the people on my newsletter and anyone who may still read my blogs.

Lissa

 

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