Interests and Impressions

My daughter’s favorite phrases lately are, “I’m not interested” and “I’m not impressed”. Different things, situations, and people evoke these different thoughts and sayings with her. If it’s something she doesn’t like, it doesn’t interest her. If it’s a person or something hyped up, she’s not interested.

She’s always been a go her own way type. Sure, there’ve been times she’s fallen in line with what popular, or what someone else likes it wants, but eventually, she makes her way back to being her own person.

I’ve always admired that about her. Yes, she’s been home schooled mostly, but she’s been in public schools too. She wasn’t impressed or interested in the cliques, in the sluts, in the users and posers, in the backbiting, in the drama. She had a few friends to choose from and she chose wrong, she paid the price, and she’s learned.

But being your own person is terribly lonely. There’s no fitting in, no following the trends, no popularity. It feels as though people forget you exist after a while. There’s a lot of silence and a lot of doubt that sinks in from time to time. You begin to wonder, “what’s wrong with me?”

In all actuality though, the answer is nothing. But it’s no easier for a near 20 year old to realize that, than it is for a near 43 year old to do so.

I mentioned on Twitter this morning that it’s like being on an island. You feel cut off when there are so many collaborations, so many outings, so many conversations going on and you’re not part of any of them. You’re alone in a sea of peers and strangers.

There’s not much to do in situations. Rejection is no fun when you try to mix and mingle. Being left behind is no picnic either. You miss friends but they’ve moved on or moved backward, and you just can’t go there. You miss laughter, conversation, connection, but what’s the price?

I love being an author and I’ve met some wonderful and outstanding people. And there are times I wish for popularity and being wanted in the mix of all that’s going on… But, there are other times I look around, watch the conversations, see where the mentality is and think to myself, “I’m not impressed. I’m not interested.” I’ve been hurt, I’ve done some hurting. Neither of which is a place of pride.

It’s nearly the end of 2013 and it’s the normal time for reflection and a time when we all try to figure out what we’re going to different in the coming year. In this reflection, I’ve thought of all the awesomeness authors I’ve witnessed too.

As as I’ve observed how people treat others, how open and welcoming they are to outsiders, listened to how ‘friends’ treat friends, watched and witnessed how success and bestseller lists change people… Those awesome few authors stand out and if I had to or could emulate and pattern my behavior after anyone, it would be them. Granted, I have a long way to go…

If you’re wondering who they are… Lori Foster, Amanda Usen, Samantha Kane, Delilah Devlin, Dakota Cassidy, Leah Braemel, Selena Illyria… They are their own people. They do their thing. They share about who they are, not just their books. They are open and willing and kind and there if someone needs them, needs advice, needs help, needs a friend. There are a handful of others, but these came to mind immediately… I see how they treat people, other authors, readers. I see how they conduct themselves.

As my daughter has found, there are levels to aspire to and levels to sink down to… It’s a hard lesson to learn at any age, especially when you want to fit in, when you want the friends, when you want the respect. It’s hard for a mom to stand by and watch, to not step in and protect, but these are valuable lessons to learn and that are needed in life.

So, the phone might not ring. Messenger may not chime. Email might not light up. Your name may not be on everyone’s lips. People may forget you or may never have given you the time of day because you don’t project shock and awe or run with the popular kids, authors, guys, jocks, etc… It may even be a very quiet life of home and doing things alone, but… Being you, being me, is interesting and impressive.

~lissa

Snippet Saturday – Endings

snippetsaturdayAnd so yeah, the world was supposed to come to an end yesterday but…we’re still here. That meant, I actually HAD to go Christmas shopping.

Damn the Mayans!

🙂

Endings come in all varieties… Permanent. Temporary. Forced. Gradual. One-sided. Relationships. Jobs. School. Friendships. Life. Years. Sometimes an ending is very sad and sometimes it’s worthy of celebration. There are those of us who fight endings, as well…

Then again, there’s the fun kinda ending… Like, for example, a tirade.

Snippet: (from my story, Small Town Famous in the Cowboy Lust anthology)

Cowboy Lustweb

“What’n the hell were you thinkin’, Bethann?”

“I was thinkin’ that little bitch better keep her hands off of my man.”

Tommy sighed and tried so hard not to smile. He needed to stay stern with her. “You can’t go ‘round town totin’ your shotgun like that. You shoulda known the sheriff would lock you up.”

She scowled. “He only caught me ‘cause it was his precious little princess I was aimin’ at. Well that and someone called him. When I find out who, you better believe I’m gonna to tan their hide. ‘ll be lucky if I don’t fill with it buckshot.”

Tommy shook his head at the woman behind the black iron bars. She sat on the bench on the far side of the cell with her arms crossed over her chest and her right leg crossed over her left, just a swingin’. Bethann was spittin’ mad.

He’d been in love with her all his life and she with him, and never once in all their eighteen years together had she ever acted like this.

He slid his arms through the bars and linked his fingers. “Why are you so jealous all of a sudden?”

“Jealous? You think I’m jealous?” Bethann stood faster than lightning and stomped her way across the concrete floor to stand nose to nose with him. “Jealous ain’t got nothin’ to do with it Tommy Martin.”

“Then what does it have to do with? What’s gotten into you?”

She tilted her chin in defiance, but it was just for show. “You like her, and I’m tired of her sniffin’ around what ain’t hers. Time for her to go back to wherever it is she came from.”

If Tommy hadn’t seen it for himself, he would’ve never believed it. Bethann Pritchard was pouting. “I like ever’ body, baby.” By her deepening scowl, that didn’t even come close to appeasing her.

She kicked out at one of the bars. “But I see how you look at her.”

Tommy reached up and pushed his cowboy hat back on his head. He wanted to make sure he got a real good look at his woman during this conversation. He also wanted to make sure she could look him in the eyes without any hint of shadow or obstruction. “And how do I look at her?”

Bethann dropped her gaze to the floor and dug the toe of her scuffed boot into a divot in the floor. “Like you want her,” she mumbled.

He eyed her skeptically. “Uh huh. Is that all?”

Her head whipped up so quick Tommy nearly had to take a step back. “Is that all? Ain’t that enough?”

“Well, in all honesty here, I was expecting a little more than that. That’s not enough for you to go carryin’ your daddy’s double barrel down Main Street in the middle of the day, scarin’ the nice folks.”

“Every single person in this town knows me, and I didn’t scare anyone. Well, except for her. I don’t like the way you look at her ass in those little cut-off shorts and those tiny shirts. It’s a wonder she wears anything at all. There’d be more left to the imagination if she were naked.”

He contemplated her, his back teeth gnawing on the inside of his cheek, his mind doing everything it could think of to keep him from smiling. “So, is it that you’re jealous because I look at her ass, which is kinda hard to miss when she puts it in my face, or is it because you wish you were still that young?”

“You son of a bitch.”

“Your eyes are a bit more green than usual, babydoll.” From the look on his lover’s face, Tommy was pretty damn glad to have the jail cell bars separating them. Where Bethann’s temper was concerned, he knew a blessing when he saw it, and her not being able to get a hand on him when he made his confession was a definite one.

Before he opened his mouth again, he made sure to take a few steps away from her grasp. “I’m the one who called the sheriff.”

“You what?” Her body went perfectly still and her voice had dropped low, menacing.

He would pay for this when she was released and they got home. The narrowing of her eyes told him that, but he’d already known it the second he placed the call. “I called him and told him he needed to come get you.”

“You? You had him put me in jail?”

Even though her eyes had narrowed and she was still speaking in that low tone that scared the bejesus out of everyone who knew her, he wouldn’t show fear and he wouldn’t back down. “I did.”

“Why?”

“It’s his daughter you’re jealous of and his daughter you brought the shotgun outta hock for. You’re out of control.”

She sneered. “You don’t know the meanin’ of out of control, but you just wait. When I get outta here, I’m gonna—”

God, she was full of piss and vinegar and there wasn’t a woman on the planet who could hold a candle to her. He was so whipped. “No. This will be resolved while you’re in there. I’m done walkin’ on eggshells with you whenever another woman is in the same three feet of space I am. We’re gonna settle this here and now.”

end Snippet

Now, while I get some much needed writing in, you should take some time to visit the following blogs for more Endings…

Rhian Cahill
Myla Jackson
Caris Roane
McKenna Jeffries
Taige Crenshaw
HelenKay Dimon
Shiloh Walker
Delilah Devlin
Eliza Gayle
Lauren Dane
Felicity Heaton
TJ Michaels

~lissa

Snippet Saturday – Author’s Choice

These are my favorite Snippet days. I like when it’s author’s choice. I don’t generally have to think too terribly hard when it’s totally up to me…lol. And since it’s generally early morning or late night when I’m working on this post, the easier the better.

In a few weeks, August 14th to be exact, there will be a release from Cleis Press called Cowboy Lust. It’s a collection of erotic stories from 15 authors, myself included, along with Delilah Devlin, Cat Johnson, Randi Alexander, Cari Quinn, and Charlene Teglia. My snippet today is from my story in that collection called Small Town Famous.

“What’n the hell were you thinkin’, Bethann?”

“I was thinking that little bitch better keep her hands off of my man.”

Tommy sighed and tried so hard not to smile. He needed to be and stay stern with her. “You can’t go ‘round town totin’ your shotgun like that. You shoulda known the sheriff would lock you up.”

“He only caught me ‘cause it was his precious little princess I was aimin’ at. Well that and someone called him. When I find out who, you better believe I’m gonna to tan their hide. ‘ll be lucky if I don’t fill with it buckshot.”

Tommy shook his head at the woman on the other side of the black iron bars. She was sitting on the bench on the far side of the cell with her arms crossed over her chest and her right leg crossed over her left, just a swingin’. She was spittin’ mad.

He’d been in love with her all his life and she with him and never once in all their eighteen years together had she ever acted like this.

He slid his arms through the bars and linked his fingers. “Why are you so jealous all of a sudden?”

“Jealous? You think I’m jealous?” Bethann stood faster than lightning and stomped her way across the concrete floor to stand nose to nose with him. “Jealous ain’t got nothin’ to do with it Tommy Martin.”

“Then what does it have to do with? What has gotten into you?”

She tilted her chin in defiance, but it was just for show. “You like her and I’m tired of her sniffin’ around what ain’t hers. Time for her to go back to wherever she came from.”

If Tommy hadn’t seen it for himself, he would’ve never believed it. Bethann Pritchard was pouting. “I like ever’ body, baby.” That wasn’t going even come close to appeasing her.

“But I see how you look at her.”

Tommy reached up and pushed his cowboy hat back on his head a little. He wanted to make sure he got a real good look at his woman during this conversation. He wanted to also make sure she could look him in the eyes without any hint of shadow or obstruction. “And how do I look at her?”

Bethann dropped her gaze to the floor and dug the toe of her scuffed up boot into a divot in the floor. “Like you want her,” she mumbled.

“Uh huh. Is that all?”

Her head whipped up so fast Tommy nearly had to take a step back. “Is that all? Ain’t that enough?”

“Well, in all honesty here, I was expecting a little more than that. That’s not enough for you to go carryin’ your daddy’s double barrel down Main Street in the middle of the day, scarin’ the nice folks.”

“Every single person in this town knows me and I didn’t scare anyone. Well, except for her. I don’t like the way you look at her ass in those little cut off shorts and those tiny shirts. It’s a wonder she wears anything at all. There’d be more left to the imagination if she were naked.”

“So, is it that you’re jealous because I look at her ass which is kinda hard to miss when she puts it in my face, or is it because you wish you were still that young?” He’d have never said something like that to her if there hadn’t been bars between them.

“You son of a bitch.”

“Your eyes are a bit more green than usual, babydoll.” From the look on his lover’s face, Tommy was pretty damn glad to have the jail cell bars separating them. Where Bethann’s temper was concerned, he knew a blessing when he saw it and her not being able to get a hand on him when he made his confession was a definite one.

Before he opened his mouth again, he made sure to take a few steps away from her grasp. “I called the sheriff.”

“You what?”

He would pay for this when she got out and they got home. The narrowing of her eyes told him that, but he’d already known it the second he placed the call. “I called him and told him he needed to come get you.”

“You had him put me in jail?”

He wouldn’t show fear and he wouldn’t back down. “I did.”

“Why?”

“It’s his daughter you’re jealous of and his daughter you brought the shotgun outta hock for. You’re out of control.”

She sneered. “You don’t know the meanin’ of out of control, but you just wait. When I get outta here, I’m gonna-”

Yeah, he knew, but maybe, just maybe… He shook his head. “No. This will be resolved while you’re in there. I’m done walkin’ on eggshells with you whenever another woman is in the same three feet of space I am. We’re gonna settle this here and now.”

I hope you’ll all give the book a try when it comes out. I know I’m excited… But while you’re waiting for the release, please give the following blogs a read.

Megan Hart:Read in bed!
Leah Braemel
Jody Wallace
Eliza Gayle
Mandy M Roth
Mari Carr
McKenna Jeffries
Myla Jackson
Taige Crenshaw
Shiloh Walker
Delilah Devlin
HelenKay Dimon
Lauren Dane
Shelli Stevens

Have a great weekend. I’m headed out to meet a friend for the day… A writer needs to get out once in a while. LOL

~lissa

Winners

Yep…its Brandy again. this time around I wanted to post a couple of the winners from recent blog tours.

Guest Posts

Tammy Ramey

wins choice of 5 Ways ‘Til Sunday or pick up Samhain backlist book from Delilah Devlin

(winner information has been forwarded to Delilah)

 Lissa’s Truffle Tour

Liany83

wins pdf of Melting Jane

from RR@H Novel Thoughts & Book Talk stop

~~~

Sarah

wins pdf of Melting Jane

from Loose Knickers & Window Lickers

~~~

Laura T

wins pdf of Melting Jane and a copy of The Cookie Dough Lover’s Cookbook

from All I Want and More

~~~

The stops at Fictional Candy, Day Dreaming and Reading Between the Wines will be announced later.

I’ll be getting in touch with Lissa’s winners so make sure you check your inboxes (or spam) for an email from me.

Have a great one…..B

Cocked and Loaded Giveaway Winner!

So, we had fun with this hop, yes? I asked you to tell me about your favorite erotic romance book/author and wasn’t really surprised at the answers. Cherise Sinclair and Maya Banks were the name most given… There was a mention or two of Laurann Dohner and Kallypso Masters, even Delilah Devlin and Tara Lain, Shayla Black, but for the most part, it was Cherise and Maya.

Let’s get down to the winner of Twisted Up or Melting Jane and Unbridled, shall we…? And her name is…

Vanessa The Jeep Diva

I will be in contact Vanessa! Thanks to all who played along and I will be participating next in a BDSM Hop, so stay tuned…

~lissa