Do I Still Love What I Do?

In light of the last few days and the horrible loss of nine lives in the California mountains, the most well known being Kobe Bryant, many of us have been plunged into thinking, into wondering, into questioning whether we’re living our lives to the fullest and doing the things that matter and make a difference and make us happy.

I’m not an NBA fan, but one can’t deny the impact off the court that Kobe Bryant has had and the light he was for so many, and the countless messages of inspiration he left in his wake through soundbites from interviews, through his books, his documentary about the game he loved.

He did what he loved. More than once. His career as an elite basketball player. Then, as a father who was fully immersed with his family.

Sometimes I wonder if I still do what I love, the thing that makes me happy, the thing that I would miss if I didn’t do it anymore.

I’ve always written. Since I was in Jr High and going through some personal things at home. I’ve written stories, books, flash fiction, poetry. I’ve written to escape reality and to put reality in a form that I could dissect and understand it. I’m almost 49 years old and I’m still writing. It wasn’t the thing I aspired to do when I was growing up or when I graduated high school. I wanted to be part of the music industry. A roadie, to be honest. And a concert flautist. And a composer. And… And… And…

Being married and having children was not on my radar and the things I’d wanted to do and the things I actually did do were so completely different.

I miss music. I miss playing. I can still finger a scale in the air the way a guitar player can finger chords on an air guitar. I can still see the music in my head of pieces I played my junior year of high school which won me medals in competitions. I still have my flute, my music, and so many I wish I had… thoughts.

I wasn’t the best at all times. I was sometimes, but not at all times. But I never gave up. I used to spend hours a day practicing. 6 hours. 8 hours. 10 hours. I loved it. And I never stopped. Not until life changed and I didn’t know how to be one thing and still chase this other thing that meant so much to me.

I miss it so much some days.

I used to write like that, too. I used to write for hours and not stop. I used to write books that meant something to me, to readers. I used to write and write and write. Even while I was raising my kids and homeschooling. And then… I did stop. I did get discouraged. I did lose my nerve.

I keep coming back to it.

But I don’t chase it the way I once did. And I wonder why that is. I have no idea.

Do I miss it when I don’t do it? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.

There are always ideas in my head. There are always stories that run in circles through my brain, like the bunnies that hop through my backyard. But could I leave it behind and in 25 years still miss it? Or would it just something I did once upon a time? These are the things I wonder when I’m being honest with myself and to be honest with you, I don’t know what the answer is.

Music still flows through my bones. It’s still embedded in my blood. It’s still part of me. It’s something I need in my life that a day without it sets my teeth on edge and I start getting really grumpy.

There’s a song for every emotion. There’s a melody for every mood. There’s a harmony for every memory.

The one thing I will say about writing, about music, is that they go together for me. I have to have the music right before I start writing. And maybe for me that’s where the two meet and mix and mingle and bleed together. Maybe that’s how music is part of my life now. Not in the same way it once was, but in the way that fuels this job that I have chosen to do.

The other thing that goes with writing for me is reading. I do a lot of it. More recently than I did the last few years. And the more I read, the more I start wanting to write. Wanting. Needing isn’t part of that vocabulary. But wanting, is. So, maybe as long as I’m a reader, I’m going to want to be a writer.

There are always stories to tell. There are always my stories to tell. There are always words to express what I’m feeling, what I’m going through, what I’m trying to understand about reality, what I’m trying to heal from the past. And as long as there’s music, I’ll be able to put those words down, I’ll be able to write and in that way… I do love it. I do still love what I do. I do still have passion for it.

And maybe, in this, I will have made my own mark and inspired someone else to find a way to marry their passions enough love what they do, even if it’s not a straight line. I think that would have made Kobe Bryant, a man, an icon, and one who sought to inspire others to follow their dreams, proud.

 

Lissa

 

 

I’ll Get The Words In… One Day

…Or maybe in four days. Or three days. Or… Who knows. Actually, I NEED to know. I don’t, really. I just need to do it. Buckle down and do it. Write. All. The. Words.

I keep hoping someone will join me on this insane journey of 10,000 words in a weekend. It’s not insane for everyone. Some do 10,000 words in a day, most days of the week. It is insane for me, though. Unless I leave the house. Alone. Or… Well, yeah. Unless I leave the house alone.

I am beginning to come to the conclusion that I need an office outside my house. Affording one is a different matter, but something that seems to become more and more clear the longer there are other people (spouse, kids, animals, etc…) living here or working here.

But, 10,000 words in a weekend is a goal. It’s a challenge, to be sure, but a goal of mine, too. To reach it and eventually surpass it. This year has been a year like that for me. Making goals, taking small steps, learning. However, that’s a post for another day.

The way this works… 10,000 words between today (Thursday) and Sunday. Leave a comment below if you’re going to join in or catch me on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, etc… to say Yes, I’m in!

Keep track of your word count and let me and anyone else who’s participating know how you did!

Hashtag #10KWeekendsforWriters

Any questions? Ask. Otherwise, get writing!

~lissa

Music Monday – Uncharted

I chose this song and well, it’s a bit on the ironic side because I’m doing something new starting this month which is planning…charting… measuring… But this is one of my very favorite songs and the message in it, is exactly what I feel…

~lissa

Music Monday – New Moon On Monday

Today is my birthday and as such, I am picking a song at random. It is one of my forever favorite songs and it’s by my first head over heels in love with them all but especially Nick Rhodes fangirl crushes, Duran Duran.

My birthday always makes me nostalgic and I tend to think back on all the birthdays before. I went to see Duran Duran in 1984 on the Seven and the Ragged Tiger tour and the birthday I had just a few months before was to be the last happy birthday that I would have for the next several years.

There’s something about this song that’s always resonated with me. It’s about revolution and standing up to the establishment and it inspires me in several parts of my life…

~lissa

On Creativity

I use Pinterest a lot. Still. I have 60 public boards and several private boards. I love the different things I find, the visual inspiration. The things that are most repinned are food. I’d like it if other things got equal representation, but food seems to be universal…

I started a new board recently and I titled it On Creativity. I’ve been feeling more and more creatively inspired this year. This is a change. And a good one. A really good one. I didn’t feel creatively inspired last year. Or even the year before. I was kind of slogging through the days, waiting to get to the next one. I wasn’t sure how to approach my writing or even if I could call it a business. I mean, other people did, but was it? Really? And that whole line of thinking has changed for me in the last few weeks. I do see it as a business and more specifically, I see it as a creative business.

Follow Lissa Matthews’s board On Creativity on Pinterest.

Enter my On Creativity Pinterest board. It’s not very full yet. It has links to some books I like, some links to articles I like, some links to infographics and such. It’s about how to find and get creative. It’s for those who need some direction toward creativity in their lives.

According to Merriam-Webster, the simple definition of creativity is: the ability to make things or think of new ideas.

Cool. I can do that. It doesn’t have to be crafts or books. It can be whatever inspires us… Coffee. Cooking. Making things with our hands. Music. Art. Dance. Meditation.

It can be in how we inspire others, too.

On the board is a Pin for TED Talks for Creative Entrepreneurs. I am in love with TED. And I love these because they’re given by people who were once like you and me. They once had a dream. They once needed a road map. When they didn’t have one, they created one. They inspire me to create my own.

I’m going to be talking about creativity throughout the year. I’ll hopefully be able to get a few people to come onto the blog to talk about what inspires creativity in them.

But if you need somewhere to start with creativity, try my Pinterest board, On Creativity…
~lissa