We’ve all had this happen, haven’t we? Boyfriends, lovers, even friends. They come and go and come and go and at some point (hopefully) we get to the point where enough is enough and we scream and yell or just tell them to go. Our hearts can only take so much and we need to heal and they need to stop draggin’ it and us through the mud.
And then again, sometimes, we’re the ones draggin’ our own hearts around…
Justin liked exposing her where they might or might not get caught. The thing that made it okay, made it better, made her want it more was that he was willing to expose himself too. He would stand by her, stick with her and take the brunt of anything if someone caught them.
He was slowly, or rather not so slowly, showing her the risk of being vulnerable. The pleasure of such was high if she trusted him, and his protection of her was worth everything.
“I want them to smell sex on you. I want them to smell me on you.”
“It’ll single me out. I don’t like that.”
“Because you won’t be with me.” That was the crux of the matter. She was helpless and hopeless in the best of ways when it came to him, especially when he was with her, but when he wasn’t, when she was on her own, she was shy, uncertain in most things save her job. Divorce had been a big personal chance she had taken on her own and she’d made a life by herself, but she honestly didn’t want to live alone or exist alone. Sure she had friends, but what she really wanted was a lover, a man to share life with. She’d had a man, but not a lover and well, hell, she needed and craved and hungered for the lover part of the equation. It was as important as talking and communicating. At least to her. She’d lived enough years with just talking and no real communication, no intimacy or physical affection that being lonely had been inevitable.
She didn’t want that again. She didn’t want to be alone. She’d learned she could do it—she just didn’t want to. She didn’t want the dating scene either. Her single friends from work had enough horror stories about trying to date that Ella didn’t want to venture into those waters.
“I’m always with you, baby. Every word I’ve ever said to you is either inside your head or just a push of an app button away in your email.”
And that was true. “But you won’t be there holding my hand or there for me to hide my face against.”
“Why would you want to hide? Hell baby, you know how many people would be envious of what we’ve been doing the last few days?”
She didn’t know, but she could remember when she had been envious of people that had that same kind of wild and crazy sex life. If anyone had told her a year ago that she’d be sitting in the lap of a twenty-nine year old bartender-fireman in an airport parking garage having sex, she’d have told them they were just shy of admittance to the nut house.
Yet here she was.
If anyone had told her a year ago that she’d be divorced and free to be having sex in the lap of a twenty-nine year old bartender fireman, she’d have told them they were a few watts short of a light bulb. She’d have immediately hoped for and wanted it, but she wouldn’t have believed it possible, wouldn’t have believed herself fed up enough with mediocre and status quo.
Yet, there she was.
“I need to go,” she said.
“I don’t think so, Ella.”
“Justin, the time.” She looked at her watch. “I—”
His hands gripped the hair that framed her face. He twisted his fingers in the strands and held her head immobile, his gaze intense and dark, mesmerizing. She was once again amazed at the many different facets of her cowboy’s personality. “I don’t think I love you. I don’t think you think you love me either. I know I love you. I’ve known for a long ass time that I loved you, and we’ve both known you loved me too.”
“You’re just scared to say it without qualification or justification and that’s okay. You’ll get there.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” she said, leaning her forehead against his.
“It was supposed to be exactly like this. Now, you’re right. You do need to go. I don’t want you to miss your flight. Your job is important to you, and that makes it important to me.”
“What about after, though?” The worried tone was back in her voice.
“You’ll know what to do and whatever you decide is best, I’ll be here to support you.”
At first, she wasn’t sure they were talking about the same thing, but as she stared at those eyes, crystal clear but for the love shining back at her, she realized they were talking about the exact same thing. He was leaving it up to her, the direction or not, of their relationship.
She nodded, and he kissed the tip of her nose before opening his door and helping her down from his lap to the ground. She leaned against the inside of the door and adjusted her skirt, and did her best on the wrinkles in her top. She might need to make a few shopping stops once she got to New Orleans. She turned to him in time to see him adjusting his jeans. She hated to see his cock put away. He was gorgeous enough that he should walk around naked all the time.
She giggled at her fanciful thoughts. Must be the after hot sex in the truck giggles.
He handed her her purse and reached back for her laptop and carry-on bag and handed both of those to her as well. “You ready?” He got out of the truck and shut the door, locking it behind him.
“Yeah.” She wasn’t really. She didn’t want to leave him, but at the same time, she needed to get away from him. When he was near, it played tricks on her mind and all she wanted was him, day and night, night and day. She needed a break, her body needed a break, her head needed a break, but damn…. Leaving him again was hard. Leaving him again without knowing what was going to happen next was hard.
She took one step and another and had just started to take another when a gust of wind blew through the garage. The scent of sex coming from her was stronger than she’d imagined it would be. It was as though he held his come-coated fingers right beneath her nose.
Heat crept up her neck and into her cheeks. She dared a look up at him, and the grin on his face told her that he’d caught a whiff of it too. Damn.
He took her hand. “C’mon baby. I don’t want anything to delay you coming back to me.”
She didn’t budge when he tugged. He turned to her with a raised brow. The challenge was there in his green eyes, and she hoped there was challenge staring back at him from hers. “Coming back to you? I thought you said it was my decision where we went from here?”
“It is your decision.”
“Then why did you assume I’d be coming back to you?”
He tugged and she started walking, her hand firmly clasped in his and though she might be a bit irritated at him, she didn’t want him to let go of her. Not by a long shot. Instead though, for good measure, she huffed out an irritated sigh.
“I wasn’t assuming anything.”
“You said coming back to you. That’s assuming that that’s what I will decide.”
I need to get writing and editing and you have the following blogs to visit for more snippets…