Yesterday was release day. YAY!!!!!!! (Yes, all the exclamation points are necessary) Grinding Gears is doing all right. Not spectacular. Not fantastic. But, it’s doing all right. And I’m happy that it is. I’m okay that it is. Would I like it to be doing better? Selling more? Definitely. Am I doing stuff to help that? Here and there. Most would say I should be doing it everywhere. Some would say I should be spending 10+ hours a day marketing, telling everyone about it, posting it everywhere on Facebook.

I hate the word Should. I wrote a post about it. I absolutely hate it. It implies that what you or I or anyone else is doing is not enough, is not the way someone would do it, is not good, right, etc… And maybe we’re not, and advice is good, but if you or I or anyone else is happy with the way things are going, then, it’s no one else’s business.

I hate the word Need. It wrote a post about it, too. The reason being is, to me, it implies no choice. You Need to do this, this way. Why? Just because YOU need to do it that way, doesn’t meant that I NEED to do it.

Should I? Maybe. Do I Need to? No.

I sometimes use these words and I do try to catch myself beforehand. Doesn’t always work. (I do say Maybe you should try this, maybe you should do that, and I think it still gives the choice in a way a straight out You SHOULD…) You and I are in control of what we Need to do. You and I are able to control the Should’s, as well.

This is where some out of the norm box comes in for me.

I prefer the words Want. Wish. Desire. It may not be strong enough for some, but the motivation is better suited for me.

Want? Yes, I do. Wish? Yes, I do. Desire? Yes, I really do.

I want to have a successful book, career, newsletter list, Facebook page, Twitter feed, Pinterest boards, etc… In the world of business, to get ahead, is want enough? Yes, I think it is. The want, the desire, the wish can be as strong as Need, if you use it right. If you set goals. If you talk, ask questions, and apply things you learn, then yes it’s enough.

Want. Wish. Desire. Apply. Find what works, what motivates you. Need and Should, drag me down. I feel pressure weighing on me and it takes any joy out of the task at hand or the project or the chore.

I pants when I write books. I just start writing. About 1/2 to 2/3 of the way through, I start loosely plotting to the end. That works for me.

I stand when I work 80% of the time. Some tasks require me to sit and slump and want to crash head first into the table. But standing works for me. I feel better. I move a little more, shifting weight, dancing around (don’t judge). My hips don’t scream the way they do when I sit for hours on end. My posture is better. I think a little better when I can move around, too.

Those are two examples of what works for me. I could say YOU should pants instead of plot and list all my reasons. I could say you NEED to stand instead of sit because the detriment to your health sitting too long. But it’s not always conducive to every situation. I’m no expert in anything and I’d rather encourage and empower than put pressure on someone or make them feel that they’re not doing enough as a parent, reader, friend, writer…

There are things we need to make us happy. I need my kids, I need to write, to create, to sleep, to have music. There are things we should do. I should eat more salads, I should exercise more, I should work more, I should pay off credit cards. But I’ve found that if I ask questions, if I apply what I’ve learned, if I read, if I study, if I try, if I set the goal, if I push myself in the strengths that I have, then I’ll achieve what I want. It may not be the picture someone else saw, or the way others did it. But the second someone tells me I NEED to do this or I SHOULD be doing that? Yeah, in one ear and out the other. Tell me “I’ve tried this lately and it works/doesn’t work/sucked big time…” I’m more inclined to listen.

Do you have words that get to you, that make you cringe, that go in one ear and out the other? Do you have mental shifts in thinking when it comes to those words?

~lissa